i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
