Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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