why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
