are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
