Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
