how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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