I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
