i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
