I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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