Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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