Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
