This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
