Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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