just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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