so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
