I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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