i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
