why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
