I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
