Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
