OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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