So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
