"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
