I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need water and some morals
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
