At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
