i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Your cock deserves a montage
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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