just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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