and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
