sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
