hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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