that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it đ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
