Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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