She said her name was "party"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
