belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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