i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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