I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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