youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
