Screwed.edu
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
