Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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