my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
