I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
