yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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