Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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