she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
