Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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