So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
