Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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