He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
