So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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