We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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