I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this boner is exhausting
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
