wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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