Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
