i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
